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Monthly Archives: June 2012

a pinch of intimacy

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I’ve realized that my most intimate relationship is with my acupuncturist. I’ve been seeing him for more than a year… so… you know… we’re in long-term relationship territory now. He knows all of my issues, both medical and emotional. I feel totally comfortable around him. And, really, there’s no one else who can tell me to take off my pants and lay down without leaving me stunned.

But like any relationship, it can be an emotional roller coaster.

Every session starts with a little chitchat to decide what’s tops on my list of troubles so we can focus the treatment. Since my last session, I’ve had trouble sleeping and have been very tired. So there we go – a nice little treatment that should help me relax and get a great night’s sleep. All was fine and dandy until the last little needle.

Needles in the feet hurt. For me, they hurt a lot. I cringed with the right foot, but rapidly recovered. Then the left foot. Oh the left foot. Once the needle was in, he asked if I was okay. I said yes, but then immediately started crying. I was dumbfounded. The tears weren’t from pain. They were from… I don’t know what. “Why am I crying?” I’m pretty sure he wanted to say, “I have no idea.” But as surprised as he was, he didn’t. He left me alone. And I cried. Quietly releasing whatever it was that those crazy little needles stirred up inside me.

When he came back in, he said he never thought of this treatment as being one to bring tears, but anything can happen with energy work.

I felt great when I left. And I slept well that night. But the response I had to the treatment has lingered with me. It’s almost like a reassurance that something is going on – proof of change. And change is good.

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Sunday Night Anxiety

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I don’t like Sunday nights.

Around 5:00 or 6:00 I start to freak out about all the things I should have gotten done around the house. And then I freak out about the things coming up in the workweek. And I can’t help but wonder how the weekend went by so fast.

So I get super productive for about two or three hours – cleaning, doing laundry, paying bills, etc. I scurry around trying to get a week’s worth of chores done in a few hours, trying to make up for what feels like a lost weekend. Obviously, I have a hard time settling back down for bedtime because I’m still so anxious.

The rational me knows there’s no reason to feel this way. The world didn’t end because I didn’t mow the lawn. No one is keeping track of when I clean the house. It’s not likely Monday at work will be any different from the previous Mondays. But I haven’t been able to break the cycle. And I know so many others who have the same Sunday Night Anxiety (let’s go with SNA for short).

So why can’t we just dump the SNA? If we were happier with the Monday through Friday, would we still have SNA? Is it embedded in the American way of life?

I practice yoga and I read about being present and the rational me totally gets it. But putting it into practice is hard. And I don’t think I’ve found a way to make it click for me. Awareness is the first step though, right? Change can start now – with a little help from ativan.