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Good Enough

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I’m a perfectionist. And as a perfectionist, I’m rarely satisfied with… well… anything. I always want better – even if better doesn’t really exist. There is no such thing as “good enough” for a perfectionist. It is truly an exhausting way to live. Because I’m not talking about your run-of-the-mill overachiever. I’m talking about never feeling adequate even with straight As. Feeling like you’ve not gotten enough done even when you work a 60 hour week. Feeling unrecognized even when awarded accolades. You simply never feel good enough.  Honestly, it can be debilitating.

Jane has helped me tremendously over the past few years – helping me recognize how much my perfectionism was running my life and helping me learn to accept the lack of perfection in both my world and myself. But I have backslides.  And those backslides hit like an avalanche. I can go into a tailspin, unaware of how easily I fall into my familiar habits: working too much, isolating myself, neglecting the things I enjoy, deeming myself unworthy, etc. Perfectionism can be a slippery slope to depression and anxiety.

After my last backslide, Jane and I were able to recognize the signs leading up to it. In theory now, when I see these signs, I can make changes and keep myself out of the tailspin. But like a lot of things, it’s easier said than done. All I can do is my best, even if it isn’t perfect.  No matter how hard that is to accept.

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About Roya

I live in Pittsburgh and work in non-profit marketing. I moved here in 2001 for graduate school at Carnegie Mellon University. I had no idea that I'd end up making this most-livable city my home for more than a decade. I love to travel. It's without a doubt my favorite thing to do. I want to see the world. I went through a phase in college where I wanted to be a documentary photographer but it was so unrealistic and impractical that I stuck with my teaching degree. (SIDE NOTE: I'm not a teacher. Go figure.) I'd love to say that I'm not materialistic but I like pretty things. And I like spending money on said pretty things. Retail therapy followed by buyer's remorse and returns is a constant cycle in my life. I'm okay with that. I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful family. They are loud, ridiculous and the kindest people you'll ever know. My friends are my family by choice and without them, I honestly don't know where I'd be.

2 responses »

  1. Be kind to yourself, my friend. I love you the way you are. : )

    Reply

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