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Drunken Appreciation

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Have you ever had one of those nights where you think to yourself that you are blessed?

 

You probably have. I have. The problem is that when the sun rises and the alcohol wears off, I’m right back into my doom and gloom attitude where I cannot see the positives and think that my life is nothing but a challenge.

 
This is why I am writing tonight. I may be a bit on the drunk side of life (4 martinis will do that to you) but I cannot express to you how many times I realized tonight that I have amazing people around me and if I have these wonderful people around me, I must not be so terrible, right?

A while ago, a few of my friends and I decided to form a “literature and liquid” group. Basically, a book club for people who care a little more about drinking than talking about the book (really, I think we spoke about our most recent read for about 90 seconds!). The purpose of the group is to talk about the book we have read but also to remember to connect to each other outside of work. Tonight was one of those nights.

Allow me to indulge my loving self right now. I cannot get over how wonderful these women around me are. I really feel so blessed I could burst and I am, at the same time, so sad that tomorrow I may forget it all. There are three women in the group. The first, MW, is like a sister, a mother, a best friend, a mentor, a colleague, and a master chef all rolled into one. My life would feel so absent without her. The second, MB, is stunning. And, I mean that—absolutely stunning. Her personality and her beauty have yet to be matched by anyone I’ve met. She listens. She cares. Truly cares. The third, MC (yes, all of their names start with “M”), is so very strong. I listen to her speak about her choices and her life and I wonder how anyone could be so resolute and strong in their decisions.

I admire all of these women and I think to myself, based upon my viewpoint of myself, how in the world do these women enjoy themselves around me? But, the truth is, they do. MW tells me so often, “You are my favorite.” I don’t know that she will ever know how much that means to me. Even if she doesn’t mean it (which in my drunken haze I really think she does) it has such an impact on what I think of my “true” self. I hope someday I remember to thank her for what she has done for me. 

And, then I’m brought to my thinking about this blog and my fellow Kousanahan—Roya. I’ve been in 14 weddings. 14!! I’ve listened to the long speeches and thought, “I’m not going to wait until I get married to let the people I love know what I think of them.” Shame on me for not doing this sooner. I struggle with low self-esteem and I know Roya is struggling with life. Who doesn’t? But, damn, if Roya could just see herself through my eyes for one minute—hell, 30 seconds—I think her life would be transformed. She is beautiful. Kind. Funny. Contrary. Honest. Loyal. Loving. Stunning. She is one of those individuals that I’m blessed to have in my life—one of those individuals that when I’m around I think “how am I worthy of being around her?” She is the person who has saved me from myself many times over the past several years and I wonder if I will ever be able to repay her for what she has done, is doing, and will do for me in the future.

This blog post is a ramble.  But I do it in hopes that people realize that while it is great to realize how blessed we are when we feel uninhibited (i.e. drunk!), it is even better to be able to remember this when we are completely “with it.”

 
Hug your friends. Recognize their brilliance. See that if they are around you—you too are fabulous!!!

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About Andi

I'm just a girl trying to find her way through the big bad world that is reality. If you would have met me a few years ago, you would have said that I needed a dose of reality (I was all "sunshine, lollipops and rainbows"). Now, you would probably say that I'm a little cynical but, overall, still optimistic. I'm a professor in Pennsylvania and I love teaching. The meetings and bureaucracy of working in higher education-- not so much. I feel like I've spent the past couple of years waiting for something big to happen. I'm done waiting. I'm ready to try to make my "something big" happen. Thankfully I have friends like Roya and a great family to laugh with me (and yell at me) from time to time to keep me on track.

3 responses »

  1. If we were in the same city I’d give you a hug right now. xo.

    Reply
  2. Ive just stumbled across this blog looking for a new book to read” blissfully Imperfect”. I love what you have to say! Im a 42 yr old single Mom with 2 teenage girls(19&16). Im working over 50 hrs a week not making enough money to support myself much less the girls, so getting ready to go back to school hoping for everything to change in my life. Friends, money, job, living arrangements, location, last and frustratingly very importantly relationships. Which currently not in one. Who wants to date a women living with her mother, working 24/7 , no money and has no self-esteem! I hope to keep up with you to and your friends to encourage a boost in this emotion state and well being .

    Reply
    • Hi Jules! Thanks so much for your feedback. Keep your head up and keep moving forward. 🙂 And good luck with school!

      Reply

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